Like many of you out there, I recently started a diet in an attempt to fit back in to my skinny jeans. We all have them - one pair of glorious jeans that, just by the successful zipping up of, invoke's an exuberant rush of "oh my god I thought this day would never come" euphoria. This is, of course, equal only to the feeling of scoring a sweet pair of diamond studs from the hubs or rocking the Coach Hampton Signature Madeline Tote on your pleased-as-punch arm.
But I digress -- after two months of shake slurping, bar snacking hell, I gained enough confidence to peer in to the back of my closet, dust off my old friend and cautiously step in to each leg as I contemplated whether my thighs have shrunk enough to allow the passage of the zipper in the upward direction.
Halle-freaking-lueigh, not only did the zipper go up, but my derriere is starting to take a shape other than humungous.
But my confidence was short lived. Sitting at my desk at work this morning, I started to realize that all that's keeping my thighs from full-on exposure is a thin layer of fitted, dark Express denim. Suddenly I have a flashback of the scene in the Great Outdoors when a shot gun disguised as a lamp is shot at a large girizzly bear's butt in an attempt to scare it away from mauling Dan Aykroyd. If you haven't seen the movie, this will be a hard image for you to picture. No sooner did the shot go off then the fur on the bear's butt is blown wide open - revealing too very large (clearly fake) exposed bear buttocks.
Needless to say, it wasn't hard to make the comparison that this could be my fate as well. If that isn't motivation to stay on a diet, I don't know what is.
But I digress -- after two months of shake slurping, bar snacking hell, I gained enough confidence to peer in to the back of my closet, dust off my old friend and cautiously step in to each leg as I contemplated whether my thighs have shrunk enough to allow the passage of the zipper in the upward direction.
Halle-freaking-lueigh, not only did the zipper go up, but my derriere is starting to take a shape other than humungous.
But my confidence was short lived. Sitting at my desk at work this morning, I started to realize that all that's keeping my thighs from full-on exposure is a thin layer of fitted, dark Express denim. Suddenly I have a flashback of the scene in the Great Outdoors when a shot gun disguised as a lamp is shot at a large girizzly bear's butt in an attempt to scare it away from mauling Dan Aykroyd. If you haven't seen the movie, this will be a hard image for you to picture. No sooner did the shot go off then the fur on the bear's butt is blown wide open - revealing too very large (clearly fake) exposed bear buttocks.
Needless to say, it wasn't hard to make the comparison that this could be my fate as well. If that isn't motivation to stay on a diet, I don't know what is.
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